to be a wolf? or a butterfly?

sometimes i wonder... am i a lone wolf? or a social butterfly?

i love hanging out with all my friends, making new friends and just being around people. i love how people make me laugh and how i (sometimes) can make people laugh too. i love listening to people’s life stories, and getting to know them, and just exchanging our many experiences and thoughts with one another. i really, really love being around people, it makes me really happy. and the cons are basically just getting into conflicts with one another, blaming each other and all the nonsensical stuff we have to go through. and on the deeper side, we have the trust issues, social anxiety, and whatnot where maybe sometimes it’s not a good thing to be around people all the time, maybe it’s not a good thing to share so much about yourself and all this shit only happens when you start to get close to people and open up to them. so at times i just like to wonder how would it feel like to just be a lone wolf, a wallflower, someone who just takes everything in but do not get involved, someone who is there but is not noticed. as much as i absolutely love being with people, i also love being alone so much too. at nights like tonight, when i’m home early, disconnected from the world….. i feel very safe and at peace. all i have to do is to shut my room door, cuddle myself in a blanket with a cup of hot tea and a good book or movie and i’m good to go. i don’t have to think about what other people are saying or thinking about me because i’m not even in contact with anyone, because i’m alone and i can just be whatever i want to be. i don’t have to worry about all the shitty problems happening rn and i can just lay back and relax. again, the cons are basically just not having anyone to talk to when you need someone. yes it’s honestly very comfortable to be alone but everyone needs a friend at some point in the life right? and it is also all the ups and downs you go through whilst hanging out with people that makes life interesting. i’m just constantly in this debate with myself, wondering if i want to be alone or if i want to be with people. being alone just feels so perfect, like you don’t have to be afraid if someone will hurt you or betray you or whatever. but being alone can also feel so mundane and dull at times….. honestly, deep deep down inside, i really love being alone, maybe just a teeny tiny weeny bit more than with people. but the people that i surround myself with right now is slowly changing my mindset because they’re making my life so much more positive and happy and exciting and i really love them alot. i guess i’ll just have to find a way to balance things out; to hang out with people i love and to enjoy time with them, yet treat myself to a nice cup of tea, alone at some random cafe i chance upon. haha shit this is damn deep but whatever, i’m just really contented right now.