IV, (Indirect "Promises")

You're wrong.
The question is not,
"How many times can your heart be broken?"
The question is,
"How many times can your heart heal?"

 To be honest, i was a little reluctant to publish this post as i guess i kinda steered into a more negative direction this time round... Nevertheless, here goes.

I found out tonight that Inside Out won an Oscar and i couldn't be more proud. There's no reason for me to be, actually. However, It is one of the films that i believe and know deserves major awards. It spoke to me on a whole new emotional level and made me realise certain things that i should have known ages ago. After that, i decided to watch it again tonight, and it left me bawling my eyes out at 4am in the morning.

I would like to backtrack a little, back to my previous post about change. I talked about how change was inevitable and how change is what shapes us. Recently, i realised that a whole lot of things in my life are changing. I realised how much i've actually drifted from people i was once so, SO close to. And that hurts, not to lie. The only thing that comes to my mind whenever i watch Inside Out is that "Without pain, how could we feel joy?". I only came to truly understand this quote after watching the movie. It is what helps me move on when i'm put into difficult situations. It is a quote that i strongly believe in and it is also a quote which helps me feel better and more ease sometimes. This time though, i find myself stuck with a few difficult one-sided friendship issues that are driving nuts. Remember how i said that in order for new and better people to come into our lives, we have to first let go of the ones not worthy of our attention? Well, that isn't working out as great as i thought it would be. There are mainly 2 people that i'm trying my hardest to let go, but i just can't, and it kills me a little inside every time i think about all the memories i had with them.

Do you know that we unknowingly make indirect "promises" everyday? "Let's go to ______ after our exams!" "Let's go overseas when we're 21 years old!" "I'll always be here for you." "We will always remain as friends." These few exclamations, deals, plans, can have a large impact on the person you're saying it to, more than you can ever imagine. For a sensitive and emotional person like me, it took me a few heartbreaks to realise that i shouldn't believe people too easily when they such stuff. Yes, planning for an event or something like that for the future is inevitable sometimes, but how sure are you that you will make sure it happens? This question was in my head for a good 6 months or so and it has come to a point where i'm pretty sure certain plans i made with some people are never, ever going to happen. When people say such stuff to me, i tend to force myself to think positively, to believe that yes, we can remain as friends for that long, that yes, i won't lose that someone. And after going through so many broken promises, i still find myself holding onto certain people who have already broken some really important promises. I would like to urge you, anyone, everyone, to please, please never, ever make a promise you can't keep, or say something you aren't sure of. Please don't ever do that. You may think that it's not that big of a deal, you may think that it's the only thing you can say to comfort that person at the moment, but i'm telling you, for gullible and soft-hearted suckers like me, we will trust you and hope that you keep to your word. I can't express how sick and tired i am of having people tell me that they'll always be here, only to have them drift away from me for no reason. Worse still, the people who have betrayed my trust are usually the people i hold closest to my heart.

After that super sad and negative paragraph, i would like to emphasise that all this pain and change we go through everyday; they don't last forever. I'm definitely not in the right state to say this by now, since i'm still pretty much in a very depressed mood lately, however, i do believe that i'll find the courage to let go of that 2 people sooner or later. Though the memories still haunt me sometimes, i guess i just have to force myself to accept the fact that sometimes people change, even when the memories don't.

I hope y'all are having it way better than me. Have a great week ahead, and i'll be  back with a more uplifting post.
Life is good, life is great.