XVIII,

Change is inevitable.

Maybe it was due to the heat or the lack of sleep. Or maybe it was just the screaming of the emotions which were kept in too deep. I've always thought i accepted change in my life, that i'm a person who is okay with letting things go. I do know that change is a part of life, that it's a necessity to help us mature and grow. But today, i realised, that maybe it isn't that easy after all to let things go.

There must be a point in everyone's lives where you feel like you've met someone whom you know (think) you can count on, who will always be there, who will always have your back. However, somehow, in one way or another, life will decide that maybe that particular friendship or relationship is not meant to be. And when that happens, your best friend or lover, someone whom you truly once thought will never leave, will suddenly be a total stranger. (Or worse still, someone else's best friend or lover instead) I thought i accepted change, that i was capable of knowing when is the right time to let things (or people, in this case) go.

No matter how much i try not to think, not to feel, how much i try to believe that there's a reason for everything, it still hurts every single time i get reminded that things are different now, that he or she is not part of my life anymore. it hurts every, single, damn time. My heart will start to ache a little, tears will start to prick my eyes, and that will be when i realise that i've never truly let it go.

This whole entire process of letting go, of letting nature take its flow is extremely torturous. It's something i really have to truly learn and accept, the art of letting go. There's this saying in Chinese: 拿得起放得下, which means to meet gains or losses with equanimity. Life will be a whole lot easier when i can finally embrace this. 

Amidst the tears and the negative thoughts, this is also a reminder to me to make sure i cherish each and every single second i have with people whom i love and care about as i have absolutely no idea what the future holds. Like i said, change is inevitable.